I’m fairly certain I was somewhere around thirteen or fourteen years old when I was told by an eye doctor that I would need to wear glasses. He told me this at the end of my first eye exam, starting with which I had no idea that I had visual issues. I was a little shocked and disappointed, and therefore didn’t particularly enjoy the process of picking out my first pair of frames. Nor did I employ a whole lot of effort in “remembering” to wear them all the time. I wish I could say that my complacency only lasted a short time, but it didn’t. I consciously attended many classes in high school and college in which I consciously struggled to see the whiteboard, satisfied with the fact that at least I wasn’t wearing my glasses. And basically, it came down to superficiality--I didn’t want to wear my glasses because I thought I looked prettier without them. Yep, I carried a thirteen year-old mindset into adulthood…
Now, fast-forward to two nights ago...I actually stepped into the shower, water running and all, with my glasses ON MY FACE. No longer was I “forgetting” to wear my glasses. I was forgetting to take them off! I think I can now add that to the list of things that I regularly forget. It’s a list that so far has consisted of the following:
At any given moment, not knowing where I last placed my driver’s license (because I don’t just keep it in my wallet at all times, like a normal person would).
Also related to the shower, I never seem to remember to bring my towel into the bathroom so that I can dry off afterward, leaving David to the task of getting it for me.
Forgetting to grab a “poopy bag” for Misty (my dog) each time I take her running or to the park. Yep, I’ve unhappily become one of THOSE dog owners...You have my unending apology.
And leaving one (varying) necessary object of Isaac’s at home when go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.
So, how is it that I can be so aware of what I forget regularly, but so seemingly incapable of taking steps to stop forgetting them? In all honesty, I don’t have an answer...Maybe it’s laziness, or maybe it’s a lingering baby brain. All I know, is that it feels like I don’t have control over the forgetfulness.
I think part of the problem is that “forgetting” (moreso, choosing to forget) kind of became a habit for me. Unfortunately, it was a habit that I developed among actions that involved my health--such as my literal ability to see (with the glasses), my nutrition (restricting or purging the things that I ate), exercise (constantly over-doing it to be thinner), and relationships (choosing to lie about toxic ones and staying in them, because I didn’t want to feel judged for the reality of them). I would choose to forget to do what I knew was right, all for the sake of superficiality--for the way that I looked to the people around me.
It’s amazing how aware we are of the fact that we are doing something that isn’t good for us, or the people around us. And yet, we’re also well aware of the fact that we aren’t going to choose to do better, because it would mean not getting what we want in that moment. I know that that last statement sounds vague, and I kind of mean for it too. Because I think that it can apply to a lot of situations in all of our lives. I think it’s called “instant gratification,” and I also think it’s a very dangerous mentality or habit to live in.
When we’re willing to sacrifice a healthy decision for something superficial or, for lack of a better word, stupid...there’s a problem.