I’m the kind of person who likes to use qualifiers whenever humanly possible. That is to say, I’m what you might call indecisive.
The thing is I’m not indecisive because I don’t know what decision to make or I just can’t really choose between whatever options are laid before me. No, I’m pretty much a go-with-your-gut kind of girl. But the truth of the matter is that there are a lot of decisions that I just honestly don’t even believe are worth the effort of asking my gut what it thinks.
And for that reason, I come off as indecisive at times. I’d rather someone who thinks the decision is important be the one to make it, because if I don’t have a stake in the outcome or just don’t really care about the outcome, then why should I make the choice, ya know?
We all have a unique set of strengths and talents, right? So if managing time is not one of my strengths, then why should I be the one expected to make a decision on when we (being my family, group of friends, whatever) are going to do what? That’s just kind of assinine in my opinion.
You’re probably wondering where I am going with this, and I promise you I am almost there.
As much as I hate making decisions, especially the really minute and menial ones that seem to infest my days, as a stay-at-home mom with a husband who works full time and is currently attending college to get his paramedic certification, not making those decisions is simply not a luxury I’m afforded. And does it bring me much bitterness and resentment and make me a super un-enjoyable person to be around? Sometimes, yes.
But I try to have some perspective.
There’s a lot of really horrible things going on in the world right now. People halfway across the world are losing their homes and their loved ones to unspeakable violence, and no choice of their own can change that. And I’m over here like, “Why do I have to be the one to decide what we are having for dinner?” “Why do I have to figure out how to arrange our schedule so that we fulfill all our holiday obligations?” Oh my gosh, will somebody just shut this girl up.
We are coming up on a time of year in which it is customary to make decisions. To make decisions about what the next year is going to look like for us and what changes we want to make in order to somehow better our lives.
Here’s a novel idea, why don’t we make some decisions about how we are going to make someone else’s life better? Why don’t we take two seconds to step away from the mirror and see the beauty around us? Why don’t we choose that, instead of ourselves?
I am really, really, really excited for the New Year, because I know, in my gut, that it is going to be so much bigger than any year before it, and I have faith that I am going to reach new heights and achieve so many new goals for myself. And yes, that thrills me.
But I am even more excited because this New Year, I am deciding to continue letting go of myself. To reach out to the people around me and get to know them and get to know their needs, and do everything in my power to make sure those people know that I am vested in their success, in their well-being. I am deciding to love more fully and truly than I have ever done - for my family, for my friends, for my acquaintances.
And ya know what? Being selfish and avoiding making the decisions that, while they may not be very important to me, may make a world of difference to someone else, simply will not do anymore. So I’m going to make those decisions, and when I get frustrated and bitter, I’m going to remind myself that I serve a greater purpose than the one I have for myself. That God put me here for a reason and has placed these decisions before me. And I’m going to take a breath, inhale, exhale, and I’m going to continue onward.